Tag: boundaries

The Hidden Opportunities in “Dark” Times

Photo by Janette Ngai. Processed with VSCO’s al3 preset.

Dear Reader,

Hi there. I truly hope you’ve been doing well and taking care of yourself as we slowly come out of this pandemic together.

Though the public is gradually re-opening, several parts of the world and many aspects of our lives are still on hold. I’ve heard many of my colleagues say things like “I feel like we’ve lost a whole year” or “I’ve lost track of time”. We are so accustomed to keeping busy or following some sort of normal routine, but the pandemic disrupted (and even destroyed) those parts of our lives. Several of us don’t know what to do with ourselves at this point in time, which may leave us feeling stagnant or anxious to say the least.

However, we may be able to use this time as a chance for us to rest and deeply reflect on where we are now. Personally, I decided to take a break from blogging. (This is my first post in weeks.) Though I haven’t posted anything publicly, I have still been writing privately to reflect on some of the things I’ve learned in the past year.

Here is something I’ve been thinking about a great deal: the lowest points in lives and how to recover from them. Frequently referred to as “rock bottom” or “dark times”, these are the moments in lives where we suffer a personal loss or setback. And I’ve come to realize that when this happens, so many of us don’t know who we are outside of our relationships, our careers, or the material things that we associate with status.

I’ve noticed that mainstream popular culture and capitalism promote the idea of “love and light” or “good vibes only”, and that hard work and high status are the ultimate keys to happiness (and perhaps it is for some people). But this mindset can be dangerous in excess as it often implies that these low-points and the negative feelings associated with them should be avoided at all costs. We are implicitly taught that we need to fill the void with materialism, instant gratification, staying busy, and superficiality rather than doing the inner work. This is known as toxic positivity and a great article on this topic can be found here.

The truth is, the low-points in our lives are inevitable and may happen without warning. So what can we do when things fall apart?

Remember: when you suddenly find yourself face-to-face with those deep, uncomfortable feelings, you have an opportunity to overcome them. When you lose a part of your life, you have a chance to rebuild and rediscover yourself. It is ok to be completely beside yourself in those moments of grief, but remember: you don’t have to stay there forever.

“Our ‘dark’ moments, our shadows, are portals for birthing. If we can embrace these moments… then perhaps we can release some fear.”​

Dra. Rocío Rosales Meza

Loss is an immensely personal matter and can look like so many different things for us. So if you’re struggling and don’t know where or how to move forward, sometimes it helps to reflect on:

  • personal values to keep us grounded
  • personal boundaries to keep us safe
  • embracing our authenticity as an act of self-love
  • being mindful of how we feel and where we are in the moment

The things that are worthwhile in life are earned when we conquer our negative experiences. I truly commend you for being here and wish you well on your journey.

Sincerely,

Jessica Michelle

Lessons Learned From Letting Go

Photo taken by me, March 2020.

“Just let it go and be happy,” they say.

If only it were that simple for all of us.

There’s no denying that act of letting go is simple. You suddenly stop holding onto the thing that is taking up your time, your space, or your energy. But the process of letting go can be a timely and complicated journey.

The most important lesson I’ve learned in the process of letting go is to validate the thoughts and feelings when we decide to part with someone or something. And while happiness is something we all deserve to feel, emotional pain is something that demands to be felt.

To deny yourself moments of grief is to deny yourself a significant part of your journey. So no matter how big or small of a loss it is, let yourself grieve when necessary. In those moments, you’ll get some of your best thinking done. You’ll draw some of the best conclusions about yourself and your purpose that you may have never considered before.

Acceptance, gratitude, and growth are waiting for you on the other side of grief. You will get there at your own pace.

Letting Go of Holiday Gift Clutter

This is for those of you who aren’t quite done yet with post-holiday cleanup around the home. Don’t feel bad if this is the case. 2021 has already been a hectic year and we’re only a little over two weeks into January. But if you want to start a productive home project for the new year, I recommend getting rid of excess holiday gift clutter if you haven’t already done so.

To be frank, holiday gift clutter includes the gifts that we’ve received over the holidays that don’t do much for us other than take up unnecessary space. There’s two kinds of holiday gift clutter: 1) the items that we love but need to make space for, and; 2) the gifts that we have zero intention of using or putting out on display. The process of decluttering holiday gifts includes getting rid of older, unused household items to make room for the new things that we have every intention of using as well as ethically getting rid of the gifts that we have zero intention of using. This process can help prevent a bunch of stuff from being unused, wasted, and forgotten.

Getting rid of holiday gift clutter can be a fairly easy task for many of us; but for others, this may be an overwhelming process. For complex psychological reasons, some of us hold onto things out of guilt or worry that we may appear unappreciative or that we are somehow causing harm to the gift giver. While understandable, please remember that gifts are not people, and gifts are not the sum the relationship between two (or more) people.

With this in mind, remember to always openly express gratitude to the gift giver regardless of what you receive. We should always be grateful for the friend, the family member, or the colleague who wanted to express their appreciation for us. But also remember: it is better to honor the gift giver’s intentions by putting those items to good use rather than having them not being used to their fullest potential. Keep the things you will absolutely use or keep the things you absolutely cherish. You can let the rest go in gratitude without shame. Remember to also be honest about your wants and needs for future gift-giving occasions amongst friends and family if you want to pursue a more minimalist lifestyle.

Below is a list of ways on how to clear out some of that holiday gift clutter (without the guilt or the burnout).

  • Don’t wait too long to de-clutter for the holidays. Dragging things out can make any task feel daunting. I recommend completing all of your holiday clean-up tasks before the end of January, if possible. 
  • Space out and designate your cleaning times throughout the week. This helps tremendously if you have a bigger home, an overwhelming amount of clutter, or both. Try to save the bigger tasks for your days off. Also, try decluttering smaller, easier items throughout the week. Set a timer for each task from start to finish to help stay focused and avoid burnout. 
  • Designate your cleaning zones. Rather than running around from room to room collecting miscellaneous holiday clutter, take it one zone at a time. Define your home’s specified areas (i.e.; entryways, rooms, dining areas, outdoor spaces, etc.) and take care of each zone from start to end. This can help us avoid feeling overwhelmed with each task.
  • Toss the obvious trash.To me, this is the easiest clean-up task before putting away the bigger items. Dispose of any used packaging items that won’t be used again such as boxes, used wrapping paper, and ribbons. I strongly encourage you to recycle, if possible. 
  • Use the one-in, two out rule. This rule implies that for every one new item that is brought into the home, two similar items are moved out of the home. For example: for every brand new sweater I earn for Christmas, I find another home for two sweaters that I no longer need. With regard to your unwanted gifts or your older “two-outs” from around the home, consider selling, donating, returning, or even re-gifting them for another occasion. (Pro-tip: only re-gift brand new, unopened items.)
  • Finally, go through your cards and letters and decide which ones to keep and which ones to toss. For the ones that you want to keep, you can get creative with them by putting them in picture frames, photo albums, or scrapbooks. (I don’t recommend putting them in boxes. From my personal experience, I’ve found that boxes just take up more unnecessary space, so I use them sparingly.)

Essentially, your home is your sanctuary, so you decide what goes in and out of it. Be devoted to your space and honor your boundaries by keeping the practical and cherished items, but feel free to let the rest go in gratitude. I strongly believe that we should remember these rules in every aspect of our lives—not just for decluttering our homes.