The Hidden Opportunities in “Dark” Times

Photo by Janette Ngai. Processed with VSCO’s al3 preset.

Dear Reader,

Hi there. I truly hope you’ve been doing well and taking care of yourself as we slowly come out of this pandemic together.

Though the public is gradually re-opening, several parts of the world and many aspects of our lives are still on hold. I’ve heard many of my colleagues say things like “I feel like we’ve lost a whole year” or “I’ve lost track of time”. We are so accustomed to keeping busy or following some sort of normal routine, but the pandemic disrupted (and even destroyed) those parts of our lives. Several of us don’t know what to do with ourselves at this point in time, which may leave us feeling stagnant or anxious to say the least.

However, we may be able to use this time as a chance for us to rest and deeply reflect on where we are now. Personally, I decided to take a break from blogging. (This is my first post in weeks.) Though I haven’t posted anything publicly, I have still been writing privately to reflect on some of the things I’ve learned in the past year.

Here is something I’ve been thinking about a great deal: the lowest points in lives and how to recover from them. Frequently referred to as “rock bottom” or “dark times”, these are the moments in lives where we suffer a personal loss or setback. And I’ve come to realize that when this happens, so many of us don’t know who we are outside of our relationships, our careers, or the material things that we associate with status.

I’ve noticed that mainstream popular culture and capitalism promote the idea of “love and light” or “good vibes only”, and that hard work and high status are the ultimate keys to happiness (and perhaps it is for some people). But this mindset can be dangerous in excess as it often implies that these low-points and the negative feelings associated with them should be avoided at all costs. We are implicitly taught that we need to fill the void with materialism, instant gratification, staying busy, and superficiality rather than doing the inner work. This is known as toxic positivity and a great article on this topic can be found here.

The truth is, the low-points in our lives are inevitable and may happen without warning. So what can we do when things fall apart?

Remember: when you suddenly find yourself face-to-face with those deep, uncomfortable feelings, you have an opportunity to overcome them. When you lose a part of your life, you have a chance to rebuild and rediscover yourself. It is ok to be completely beside yourself in those moments of grief, but remember: you don’t have to stay there forever.

“Our ‘dark’ moments, our shadows, are portals for birthing. If we can embrace these moments… then perhaps we can release some fear.”
Dra. Rocío Rosales Meza

Loss is an immensely personal matter and can look like so many different things for us. So if you’re struggling and don’t know where or how to move forward, sometimes it helps to reflect on:

personal values to keep us grounded
personal boundaries to keep us safe
embracing our authenticity as an act of self-love
being mindful of how we feel and where we are in the moment

The things that are worthwhile in life are earned when we conquer our negative experiences. I truly commend you for being here and wish you well on your journey.

Sincerely,

31 Days of Easy Minimalism

Easy minimalism chart — Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

A new month is on the horizon, so I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to start a new activity. This 31 Days of Minimalism Chart (made by yours truly) is for myself and others who want to remain consistent in practicing mindfulness in our daily lives.

You can download the free chart here: 31 Days of Easy Minimalism.

This activity was meant to be not too rigorous, so if you’re just now getting into minimalism or if you’ve done a bunch of decluttering and downsizing already, this may come to your advantage. This chart serves as a gentle reminder that minimalism is a constant work in progress. We can easily continue practicing minimalism in our daily lives by adjusting our mindsets to live more consciously by surrounding ourselves with thoughts, feelings, and actions that bring us purpose and peace.

So as each day passes this coming month, try one of the activities in each square and cross them out as you go along. Remember: on this chart, you don’t have to complete everything in consecutive order. Also, don’t feel bad if you can’t complete everything in one month. Just try your best and keep your intentions in mind while going through each task.

As always, I love hearing from you. So please let me know if you try this challenge either in the comments or on your social media networks with the hashtag #31daysofeasyminimalism.

Lessons Learned From Letting Go

“Just let it go and be happy,” they say.

If only it were that simple for all of us.

There’s no denying that act of letting go is simple. You suddenly stop holding onto the thing that is taking up your time, your space, or your energy. But the process of letting go can be a timely and complicated journey.

The most important lesson I’ve learned in the process of letting go is to validate the thoughts and feelings when we decide to part with someone or something. And while happiness is something we all deserve to feel, emotional pain is something that demands to be felt.

To deny yourself moments of grief is to deny yourself a significant part of your journey. So no matter how big or small of a loss it is, let yourself grieve when necessary. In those moments, you’ll get some of your best thinking done. You’ll draw some of the best conclusions about yourself and your purpose that you may have never considered before.

Acceptance, gratitude, and growth are waiting for you on the other side of grief. You will get there at your own pace.

Easy Tasks and Subtle Ways to Make Your Home Feel New(ish)

Furniture restoration project (by me, Fall 2020)

The spring season is upon us, and it is a wonderful opportunity to start anew. For those of you who want to make a big impact on the home on a modest budget, here are some ideas on how to make your home feel brand new(ish).

Wipe down and repaint your walls. I personally believe this is one of the first spring cleaning tasks to complete after decluttering if you want to add that feeling of newness to a room. Wiping down walls before touching them up with paint helps minimize the chance of having a streaky or uneven finish.

Mop your floors and/or deep clean your carpets. These tasks can brighten up a room immediately. I try to get my carpet professionally cleaned once every six months. I also have a reliable carpet cleaner for accidents and high-traffic areas that I use at least once a month.

Wash your sheets, pillow shams, and comforter. This is a relatively small chore for most people, but this task goes a long way if you want to ease into spring cleaning.

Update/restore a treasured piece of furniture. This for those of you who just can’t let a favorite statement piece go. You can start a restoration project with the help of a professional, or you can do it yourself if you are able. Personally, restoring furniture is one of my favorite pastimes when I’m stressed out. (You can see a before-and-after photo of the vintage dresser that I restored last fall at the beginning of this post.)

Clean your windows, mirrors, and glass furniture. This is another one of those little tasks that go a long way if you want to add that feeling of cleanliness and clarity to a room or space.

Deodorize your home. An open container of baking soda, kept in a discreet place (such as on top of your kitchen cupboards or in a closet), can help absorb smells and clear the air. Two other excellent, all-natural products that can help with this are FreshWave or DampRid, which absorb smells and trap excess moisture in the air.

Replace old and builder’s grade light fixtures and hardware. This is a relatively inexpensive way to transform a room or space entirely. Out with the old, in with the new.

Add light to a dark or dim room. This can be done by either adding more light fixtures or by removing interior blinds or screens from windows.

Update old outlets and light switch panels. Find cracked and yellowed light plates and switches as well as outlet covers.

Get rid of old, unwanted, or unnecessary furniture and decor. When all else fails, declutter.

As always, please feel free to share some of your restoration and renewal ideas or feedback in the comments or on my social networks. Best of luck to you on your future projects.

How To Know If You Have Too Many Of The Same Things

For some of us, it seems as if no matter how much we clean and organize our homes, there’s always that one type of frustrating thing that constantly shows up in multiples as excess clutter. For some of us, this can be papers, clothes, shoes, children’s toys, dishes, electronic parts, or just anything we tend to collect without really thinking about it. So when you decide to declutter, be mindful of those multiples you have around the home and consider the following:

At what point does too much of a good thing become too much?

-When it gets everywhere no matter how much you try to organize it.

-When it’s hard to let go of because of guilt, memories, or “fear of missing out” (or as some would call “FOMO”).

-When takes up an unnecessary amount of space.

-When you can easily live without it if you get rid of at least half of your collection.

-When you have items with the tags still on them, in their original packaging, or have rarely been used, if ever.

-When it’s an expensive habit.

If you’ve answered “yes” to two or more of the items listed above, consider purging those repeated items.

For me, my biggest vice is collecting purses. I had 21 purses as of last week. I ended up donating 7 purses to Goodwill, and I’m selling some of my gently used Coach purses and wristlets online. (Links to each item will be listed at the end of this blog post if you want to get an idea on how to sell an item online, or if you or someone you know may be interested in buying a gently used purse or wristlet.)

For me personally, getting rid of those repeated items felt liberating, but please remember to carefully consider your own personal values and where you are in life right as of now before purging several items at once. This should be done in moderation and not out of impulsivity. You can always revisit what is leftover and purge it at a later time, if necessary.

That being said, I still have 10 purses left. (Baby steps, ok?)

Items for sale on Ebay

Black Leather Coach Wristlet with Gold Chain (brand new!)

Brown Leather Coach Town Tote Classic Shoulder Shopper (gently used)

Burgandy Leather Coach Town Tote Classic Shoulder Stopper with Matching Corner Zip Wristlet (gently used)

Minimalist Hashtags to Follow For Style Inspiration

Minimalist decorating styles are generally characterized by incorporating bare essentials to create a simple and uncluttered space. Achieving a minimalist aesthetic in a room or space may not be as easy as it looks since we want to avoid having a room or space feeling bare or empty.

So let’s say that you’re just about finished with decluttering your space, and now you’re ready to rejuvenate a room by switching to a more clean and minimalistic aesthetic. Where do you start looking for inspiration? How do you learn how to articulate the themes that you want to incorporate into a room? Personally, I follow ideas that are trending on social media (such as Instagram or Pinterest) before buying books or magazines on how to decorate a space.

Below are some of my favorite hashtags to follow when getting started on a new project.

#minimalist[insert room name here]

Minimalist Room — Photo Credit: @fawninteriorstudio on Instagram

#Minimalist [insert room name here]. Not to be taken too literally, this is a very simple and straightforward way to find ideas if you are focusing on a certain room or space. This can include:

– #minimalistbedroom

– #minimalistbathroom

– #minimalistcloset

– #minimalistkitchen

– #minimalistoffice

– #minimalist[whatever room or space you can think of]

The possibilities are endless.

#Nordicroom

Nordic Home — Photo Credit: @villahaven254 on Instagram.

Nordic room. Nordic interior decorating styles are known for having minimalistic features. Some of these features include clean lines, decluttered spaces, and muted colors. This style is also known for incorporating elements of nature such as natural light, wood, or stone surfaces. By searching for this particular style, I was able to find several ideas for larger statement pieces and ambient lighting without appearing too grandiose or overwhelming.

#neutralinterior

Neutral interior. If you’re looking for a simple yet chic color pallet for a room or space, this is a wonderful place to start. I like to decorate by season, so I personally believe that neutral colors are most practical for a minimalist home since you can add a pop of color anytime you feel like switching things up right away. If you’re practicing minimalism but love to incorporate several colors into a room, I recommend looking for the hashtag #colorpallets to find ideas for a limited amount of colors for a special theme that you have in mind.

#minimalistart

Minimalist art. This is an excellent hashtag to follow not only for those who love and appreciate this art style, but this also helps spark ideas for the types of colors, patterns, textures, and other minimalistic style elements that you are drawn to. Once you’ve carefully chosen some of those styles, find some of those decorative accessories around the home that compliment the elements you cherish the most. Consistency in decor promotes harmony in a room.

#minimalistquotes

Minimalist quotes. Following quotes about minimalism can remind you of your overall intentions for a special place in the home. Find the quotes that resonate with you most to stay motivated and true to your purpose. Consider placing your favorite quotes on a vision board or even printing them out and framing them on your walls.

#simplicityindesign

Simplicity in design. This hashtag implies that less is more while simultaneously promoting the idea of making an impact with all the right statement pieces. Keep it simple yet bold, and think wide, open spaces.

Feel free to share some of the hashtags you like to follow in the blog comments or on my social media pages. I always look forward to hearing from you.

Treat Yourself to 1-3 of Your Favorite Things This Valentine’s Day

Whether you’re single, taken, or taken-ish, you deserve to celebrate yourself, too.

This was my first time being single on Valentine’s Day for about a decade, so I decided to treat myself to three things that I enjoy: candles, wine, and flowers. Here is what I bought:

Byredo – Fleur Fantôme Candle

Best when lit on a rainy day with a book in-hand.

2. McBride Sisters Collection – Black Girl Magic 2019 California Rosé

Cheers to supporting black businesses this month (and every month)!

3. Fleurs de Paris – Eternal Roses

No one has ever bought me flowers, so I decided to buy my own roses this year.

I recommend setting a personal budget if you plan on spending any cash on yourself for your 1-3 items. Also, don’t be afraid to get a bit more creative when it comes to treating yourself, either. You don’t have to treat yourself to just store-bought items. You can go on a small trip, have a spa day, visit friends or family, cook your favorite meal, et cetera. Whatever you decide, have fun with it.

Care for yourself like you would for someone else you love.

February’s Truism

Surround yourself with the people, places, things, and ideas that make you feel safe when you are at your most vulnerable.

30-Day Minimalism Game

I dare you to give this a shot.

I discovered this game when I joined a group on Facebook called Beginner Minimalists. Several members in the group were posting about this decluttering challenge, which involves getting rid of one item on day one, two items on day two, three items on day three, and so on. I saw several posts from members who were looking for a partner to hold them accountable, and there were tons of before-and-after pictures of their progress around their homes, offices and cubicles, in their cars, and literally anywhere they spend their daily lives. It was a wildly popular topic in this group of 10.5k people, and it sparked my curiosity for sure.

The original 30-Day Minimalism Game was created by Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Millburn, also known as The Minimalists. They recommend that you partner up with a friend, family member, or co-worker who is willing to minimize their stuff with you over the next month; however, I decided to try this on my own. I felt pretty confident in holding myself accountable for getting rid of unused or unwanted things.

The rules of the game: each player gets rid of one item on the first day of the month, then two items on the second day, then three items on the third day, so on and so forth. By midnight of each day, the items should be moved out of the home whether donated, sold, recycled, or thrown away. By the time you’ve finished the entire challenge, you should have a total of 465 items removed from your home.

This may sound intimidating at first, but the challenge doesn’t really have any strict rules. “Anything goes”, they said. I figured that my “one item” can be anything from a candy wrapper to an entire couch. However, most of the items I ended up getting rid of were clothes, accessories, various papers, and kitchen items. You can determine what counts as your one item.

So, I played the game and I tracked my progress. Here’s what I learned along the way:

I shop more than I really need to.

Of course, shopping is inevitable (i.e.: groceries and household necessities). But I’ll admit, I did have a habit of regularly shopping online for non-essential things. This habit of impulse spending (triggered by boredom, mostly) had only gotten worse since the pandemic began. Not to mention, all of the boxes and bubble wrap I brought into the home with those online purchases produced a lot of waste. About a fifth of the items I got rid of during the 30-day minimalism game were from online purchases.

I’ve decided to be more mindful with my spending online. Now, if I see something I want, I’ll add it to a wish list or bookmark it for a week before I decide buy it. By doing this, I’ve found that most of the time, I’ll either forget about it or delete it. This lessens the impulse spending tremendously and will save some space and cash in the long run.

There was junk in places I completely forgot about.

I found stuff in places that I don’t access very often like junk drawers, underneath beds and couches, kitchen and bathroom sink cabinets, and boxes full of things my in storage closet to name a few. It felt like there was an endless amount of things that I was holding onto that I hadn’t used in years. Clearing these places out made room for newer items that needed a decent storage place in the home.

Letting go of things wasn’t the hard part, but rediscovering the things that I had attached old memories to was.

I had mentioned in a previous blog post that sometimes people have a hard time with letting go of clutter out of guilt, fear, or other complex thoughts or feelings. This wasn’t the case with me, but I did have a Pandora’s Box type of moment when I stumbled upon a bunch of greeting cards and photos from my ex’s family and some friends that I no longer speak to. Seeing these items only brought out invasive, negative thoughts. I had no reason to keep them in my home any longer, so I let them go (with gratitude, of course).

Giving my things away to help others felt very liberating.

During the midst of a pandemic, it felt empowering to show solidarity and support to local businesses, charities, and individuals who might need a little extra help. I went through two local (NorCal) companies in particular. I sold several articles of clothing and accessories to Freestyle Clothing, a local vendor that gives you cash or store credit for your items. I also donated several gently used items to WEAVE, Inc., a crisis intervention service provider for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault in Sacramento County.

I highly encourage giving back to your communities whenever possible. There are so many amazing companies out there, so do some research around your home town and see what you can find.

I didn’t finish the challenge, but still felt accomplished.

In total, I got rid of 402 items. With all things considered, it was still a very eye-opening experience.

If you decide to try this challenge, The Minimalists have their own free downloadable calendar from their site if you sign up for mailing list, but I found another printable worksheet from Let’s Live and Learn that I prefer to use. Whichever one you decide to use, make sure to track your progress and be proud of what you accomplish. Also, use the hashtag #minsgame to share your progress on your networks if you choose to do so.

Good luck, and feel free to leave a comment below about what you’ve learned along the way!

Letting Go of Holiday Gift Clutter

This is for those of you who aren’t quite done yet with post-holiday cleanup around the home. Don’t feel bad if this is the case. 2021 has already been a hectic year and we’re only a little over two weeks into January. But if you want to start a productive home project for the new year, I recommend getting rid of excess holiday gift clutter if you haven’t already done so.

To be frank, holiday gift clutter includes the gifts that we’ve received over the holidays that don’t do much for us other than take up unnecessary space. There’s two kinds of holiday gift clutter: 1) the items that we love but need to make space for, and; 2) the gifts that we have zero intention of using or putting out on display. The process of decluttering holiday gifts includes getting rid of older, unused household items to make room for the new things that we have every intention of using as well as ethically getting rid of the gifts that we have zero intention of using. This process can help prevent a bunch of stuff from being unused, wasted, and forgotten.

Getting rid of holiday gift clutter can be a fairly easy task for many of us; but for others, this may be an overwhelming process. For complex psychological reasons, some of us hold onto things out of guilt or worry that we may appear unappreciative or that we are somehow causing harm to the gift giver. While understandable, please remember that gifts are not people, and gifts are not the sum the relationship between two (or more) people.

With this in mind, remember to always openly express gratitude to the gift giver regardless of what you receive. We should always be grateful for the friend, the family member, or the colleague who wanted to express their appreciation for us. But also remember: it is better to honor the gift giver’s intentions by putting those items to good use rather than having them not being used to their fullest potential. Keep the things you will absolutely use or keep the things you absolutely cherish. You can let the rest go in gratitude without shame. Remember to also be honest about your wants and needs for future gift-giving occasions amongst friends and family if you want to pursue a more minimalist lifestyle.

Below is a list of ways on how to clear out some of that holiday gift clutter (without the guilt or the burnout).

Don’t wait too long to de-clutter for the holidays. Dragging things out can make any task feel daunting. I recommend completing all of your holiday clean-up tasks before the end of January, if possible.

Space out and designate your cleaning times throughout the week. This helps tremendously if you have a bigger home, an overwhelming amount of clutter, or both. Try to save the bigger tasks for your days off. Also, try decluttering smaller, easier items throughout the week. Set a timer for each task from start to finish to help stay focused and avoid burnout.

Designate your cleaning zones. Rather than running around from room to room collecting miscellaneous holiday clutter, take it one zone at a time. Define your home’s specified areas (i.e.; entryways, rooms, dining areas, outdoor spaces, etc.) and take care of each zone from start to end. This can help us avoid feeling overwhelmed with each task.

Toss the obvious trash.To me, this is the easiest clean-up task before putting away the bigger items. Dispose of any used packaging items that won’t be used again such as boxes, used wrapping paper, and ribbons. I strongly encourage you to recycle, if possible.

Use the one-in, two out rule. This rule implies that for every one new item that is brought into the home, two similar items are moved out of the home. For example: for every brand new sweater I earn for Christmas, I find another home for two sweaters that I no longer need. With regard to your unwanted gifts or your older “two-outs” from around the home, consider selling, donating, returning, or even re-gifting them for another occasion. (Pro-tip: only re-gift brand new, unopened items.)

Finally, go through your cards and letters and decide which ones to keep and which ones to toss. For the ones that you want to keep, you can get creative with them by putting them in picture frames, photo albums, or scrapbooks. (I don’t recommend putting them in boxes. From my personal experience, I’ve found that boxes just take up more unnecessary space, so I use them sparingly.)

Essentially, your home is your sanctuary, so you decide what goes in and out of it. Be devoted to your space and honor your boundaries by keeping the practical and cherished items, but feel free to let the rest go in gratitude. I strongly believe that we should remember these rules in every aspect of our lives—not just for decluttering our homes.